Know Your Stars: Winx Club
by Chibi Horsewoman
Summary: I don't know if any of you ever watched the skit Know Your Stars from the show All That, but this story is like that skit. And it gets updated sporadically like the rest of my stories. But it's great stress relief.
1. First Victim: Bloom Princess of Sparx

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club**

**Summary:** **You know that weird skit on All That where this mystery voice tells you a bunch of untrue facts about a star that's sitting on the stage? This is a parody of it. I'm spoofing the Winx Club characters and you get to watch me do it.**

**Disclaimer :** **I'm so broke I can't even pay attention**

**First Victim: Bloom Princess of Sparx**

Bloom walks out on stage muttering. "Techna said she'd help me with my potions homework. Where is she?"

"Sit down!" Commands a mysterious voice. A chair appears out of nowhere and a bright light shines down on it.

"What? Who are you? Where are you?"

"Wouldn't you like to know. Just sit down."

A chorus of 'know your stars' begins as Bloom complies with the voice.

"Bloom, Princess of Sparx."

"Uh, Yeah?"

"Bloom's hair is dyed with orange soda."

"No it's _not_! This is my natural hair color!" Bloom exclaimed angrily. "And why would I dye it with orange soda?"

"You keep saying that dear. We all know you dye your hair with soda."

"I so do _not_! You can't _dye anything_ with soda it's ilogical!"

"Yes, you said that." The voice yawns. "Moving, on Bloom princess of Sparx, you have gone after every guy at Red Fountain and a few at Gardenia high school."

"**_What_**? That's just a line Riven said when he was under Darcy's spell."

The voice went on as if it didn't hear her. "I'm sure he just made it up. Just because you're boy crazy and crave attention from any guy around."

"Stop it!"

"Doesn't mean you're a desperate boy crazy slut."

"Oh you are so gonna die… Icy."

"I'm not Icy you loony fairy. Bloom you secretly have a crush on… Professor Saladine from Red Fountain."

"What? That's crazy! He's old enough to be my grandfather!"

"So you have a reversed Oviparous complex as well as an uncontrollable need for attention. No biggy."

"Except that I _don't have a crush on _Professor Saladine!"

"Ah, denial, another sign of hidden passion."

"I don't have a crush on him you stupid head."

"Can you prove it? I have it on good authority that you like older men. Heck even Mr. Knut looks good huh?"

Bloom's face went from confused to utterly disgusted, then her eyes lit up. "You're insane Icy!"

"Huh? Who's Icy?" The voice sounded shocked.

"I'm gonna kick your witchy butt Icy!"

"I'm _not_ Icy you dimwit!"

"Ahh!" Bloom shot a fire ball at the direction of the voice and stomped off.

"Now you know, Bloom Princess of Sparx."

"No you don't!" Bloom called back.

_Fin _

**Okay, so that chapter sucked really bad, but hey let me know what you think anyways. And read Nintendo Queen's W.I.T.C.H. Know your Stars because it's better than mine. Oh and give me Ideas since I want to bother either Stella or Sky next. Ooh Sky would be so fun. So vote!**


	2. Second Victim: Stella of Solaria

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club**

**Summary:** **You know that weird skit on All That where this mystery voice tells you a bunch of untrue facts about a star that's sitting on the stage? This is a parody of it. I'm spoofing the Winx Club characters and you get to watch me do it.**

**Disclaimer :** **I'm so broke I can't even buy a vowel. Oh and I hope Stella doesn't sue me for her therapy bills. Because two out of four reviewers want to annoy the Princess of Solaria. **

**Victim Two: Stella, Princess of Solaria.**

Stella was wandering the halls aimlessly looking for her friends when she thought she heard Bloom's voice coming from a dark room three doors down, so she decided to look. "Hello? Is like anyone in here?" the Solarian princess called out uncertainly.

"Stella, Princess of Solaria." Replied the same voice who had annoyed Bloom.

"Bloom?"

"Uh, no. But do take a seat." A light came on over the recently vacated stool and a chorus of 'Know your stars' began again.

"Ooh is this some kind of TV show? Am I being filmed?"

"I guess you could say that."

Stella plinked down in the stool anxiously.

" Know your stars, Stella Princess of Solaria."

"Yes?"

"Stella is always impeccably dressed…in clothes from _four_ seasons ago."

"You take that back right now!" Stella demanded, "I always dress in the _latest_ fashions."

"Yes, you're always_late_ coming into fashion. Just because vintage is in style doesn't mean you are."

"Take that back!"

"No," You can just picture the voice sticking out it's tongue and going nya, nya. "Stella Princess of Solaria. Her favorite past time is picking her nose and wiping the goobers on her friends."

"Eww, that's just too repulsive for words." The Solarian princess tried not to gag. "If you say one more thing like that, I'll sue."

"Stella she has had flings with pretty much _every _prince in the universe. Including Charles Prince of Wales and would never dream of marrying, let alone _dating_ _anyone _who _isn't_ royal."

"Hey that is so not true!" Stella protested just as Brandon came on stage.

"Stella is what he just said true?" It sounded like the poor unroyal shield bearer was trying not to cry.

"No Brandon of course it's not true." The Solarian princess tried to consol her boyfriend.

"Of course it's true." Countered the voice evilly.

"Really?" Brandon's bottom lip began to quiver.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No Brandon I love you!"

"Yes Brandon she wants you."

Brandon looked up hopefully.

"To go away."

Tears began to pour from the young specialist's eyes. He was easily confused since the whole prince incident and now two people where telling him two different things. It was making his head hurt. "But Stella I… I lo…. I love…." He couldn't finish since he was crying so hard, so instead Brandon just ran off the stage. He nearly ran over Sky who was just arriving.

"Hey what was with that?" The identity confused prince asked.

"There's this voice that said that I only date royalty." Stella began.

"A voice?"

"Yes,"

"Sure Stella and I'm the Tooth Fairy."

"Prince Sky of Eraklion believes in the tooth fairy!" The disembodied voice cackled.

The blonde male jumped in the air."Ah! What was that?"

"It's the…." Stella began but was abruptly interrupted.

"Forget it! I'm leaving!" Sky ran off after his friend.

"Thanks a lot you stupid voice!" Stella yelled angrily, you'll be hearing from my lawyer!" She then ran off to find a safe quiet, voice free place to call her lawyer.

"And now you know Stella Princess of Solaria."

_End _

**Was that one any better? I hope so because I picked on three people in one chapter two of which will be picked on again. I think I'll do Riven next simply because he's so antisocial and I have two other stories with him started. Look for Last Kiss and Riven's Therapy Session coming soon. So let me know what I should do to this perky guy.**

**Thank you to Ikey, BunnyWritting, Stylin' Fire who told me to have Stella be accused of dating every prince known to man and Tokyo Girl oOo who suggested making fun of Stella's fashion sense. Keep those reviews coming.**


	3. Third Victim: Riven the Moody Guy

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club**

**Summary:** **You know that weird skit on All That where this mystery voice tells you a bunch of untrue facts about a star that's sitting on the stage? This is a parody of it. I'm spoofing the Winx Club characters and you get to watch me do it.**

**Disclaimer :** **I'm so broke I buy _used_ food! Oh and Riven is getting messed with in this chapter. That boy deserves it though, he had life messed up most of the first season. Oh there's some Riven information as well. **

**Victim Three: Riven, guy From who Knows Where**

Riven had gotten fed up with Brandon's crying and Sky looking around every corner in their cramped dorm and decided to go wander around until he saw a room with a bright light.

"Riven!" Called a mysterious voice.

"Yeah? Who is it?" Riven demanded coolly.

"Don't worry about that just come in."

"And what if I don't want to?"

"Then I'll tell all your embarrassing little secrets that only your therapist knows." Never mind that in a few seconds the voice was going to be embarrassing Riven in all sorts of different ways.

Riven quickly obeyed.

"Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars. Riven from…from… dammit where are you from?" The voice sounded perplexed.

"I don't know, I was abandoned by my mom when I was little and no one told me where I'm from."

"Oh well, Riven from who knows where! Riven's hair is made out of black cherry Jell-O."

"That's ridiculous!" Riven shook his head in disbelief and his hair jiggled.

"Is it now? Your hair just jiggled and Jell-O jiggles, so I rest my case."

"No you don't. My hair is _not_ made from Jell-O. It's made out of what everyone else's hair is made out of."

"Then how do you explain the shape? You placed your Jello hair in a mold and set it on your head!"

"No, I just use a lot of gel and hairspray. And some Sharps Barber and Shop Guck In a Puck."

"And Jell-O. Riven the ozone destroyer likes to prance around in women's panties!"

"Now that is just wrong."

"No, it's funny."

"And wrong."

"Go prance some where Riven."

"I refuse to allow everyone to believe that I prance around in women's panties. Or for that matter just prance. I do _not_ prance. Soldiers are for fighting dammit, not prancing around!"

"Okay, _Prancer._ Moving on, Riven has an extensive collection of cute cuddly stuffed animals hidden in his closet."

"How do you figure that?"

"Why do you think Darcy broke up with you ? It's not like you're ugly."

Riven glowed with pride.

"You just call all your stuffed animals by name."

The glow faded and was replaced by a gleam of anger and perhaps hurt. "So what if I keep stuffed animals? At least they haven't abandoned me! And I'll never abandon you." Riven reaches into the pocket of his jeans and holds up what looks like a Musa plush doll he starts hugging it and talking baby talk.

"How disturbing. Riven, the boy from nowhere paints his toenails."

"I love you. Yes I do." Riven coos to the Musa plush.

"Bright pink! With gold glitter!" There is no response, so the voice tries again. "Riven, the guy from HELL has a crush on Ms. Griselda."

Riven kisses the Musa plush on the head, but other than that does nothing.

"Riven has secret dreams of making out with Sky!" Needless to say that gets a response.

"No you didn't! Do I look like Bloom to you?"

"Do you really want an answer to that?"

"Uh, no."

"Well, in this light."

"Screw this I'm leaving." Riven gets up and starts to walk away.

"And now you know…."

Riven comes back and snatches up his Musa plush. "But not without this!"

"Riven Lord of the Underworld."

_Done!_

**I would like to thank my reviewers for reading my story, but no one gave me anything for Riven so I just had to do it myself. I hope everyone enjoyed the whole bit. I plan on annoying Flora next or maybe Brandon… again. Riven really was abandoned by his mom and I couldn't find where he was from so that's why I had a whole bunch of stuff. Until next time!**


	4. Fourth Victim: Flora From Linphea

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club**

**Summary:** **You know that weird skit on All That where this mystery voice tells you a bunch of untrue facts about a star that's sitting on the stage? This is a parody of it. I'm spoofing the Winx Club characters and you get to watch me do it.**

**Disclaimer : I'm so broke I can't even afford a disclaimer! Oh, and there's a spoiler too.**

**Fourth Victim: Flora of Linphea**

Flora had gotten restless in her dorm room listening to Bloom cry about not dying her hair with orange soda and Stella crying about Brandon. She didn't quite catch the Brandon thing; something about he ran off because of a voice that said she only dated royalty and it not being true. The floral fairy had been walking the halls of Alfea for ten minutes when she came upon a strange room containing a stool on a stage. Intrigued, Flora walked in and got ready to enjoy some peace and quiet. Too bad for her huh?

"Know your stars! Flora from Linphea!" Exclaimed a voice.

"Well, it's also been said I'm from the Fifth moon of Marigold, darn international companies." Flora replied smiling.

"Like I care. Flora of Linphea dyes her hair with beetle guts."

"Now that's not nice," Flora countered, calm as ever, "think of the poor beetles that would have to be killed just so I could dye my hair. No, my hair is natural."

The voice sighs. "Flora makes regular trips to earth to steal flowers from Bloom's mom's flower shop."

"I do _not._ I grow my own plants."

"She's in denial that she could kill a cactus in three days."

"That's just absurd. I would never kill any plant and I don't steal." Flora's voice is very even and calm.

"Flora keeps flowers in her room to disguise the fact that she has b.o. that could knock over a moose."

Flora sniffs herself and finds that she doesn't smell bad. "You know that's just rude. You shouldn't go around telling people that they smell and steal things just to make conversation."

The voice is confused since Flora was still very cool calm and collected so it tried again. "Flora is a vampire who uses her plant minions to kidnap unsuspecting residents of Magix."

"Plant _minions_?"

"Yes minions. You use poor innocent plants to perform your wicked deeds."

Flora starts to giggle. "And what wicked deeds would that be?"

"Uh…. Kidnapping stealing you know evil stuff."

"Ah. Nope. Sorry I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Sure ya don't." The voice is nodding, you can't see it, but you can just feel that it's nodding. "Flora is a compulsive liar."

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are, you see, you just lied."

"Uh, no."

"Uh, yes you did. I heard you."

"You're silly." Flora laughs again. "I don't know who you are, but you crack me up."

"What?" The voice sounded confused. "I've just insulted you for about fifteen minutes or so, how was _that_ amusing?"

"Well, you didn't mean any of it."

"Yes, I did."

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did." The voice is beginning to become annoyed with Flora's calmness.

"Now _who's_ the compulsive liar?"

"Still you."

"I think not.

"Flora is in denial."

"No, I'm not I'm in this room."

"Let me finish please."

"Okay, sorry."

"Flora is in denial that she'll have a boyfriend because no one loves her."

"Actually I get a boyfriend in the second season. His name is Helia."

The voice nods and pulls out piece of paper and a pen. "Ah, thank you. I'll remember that in a later chapter."

"No problem. Hey, is this going to be much longer?"

"Flora she is an impatient shrew!" The voice declares.

"No I'm not. But my plants need to be watered."

"Flora of Linphea, she neglects her plants and leaves them to die."

"No, but if I don't leave soon some of my plants might die."

"See, I was right, you _do_ neglect your plants!" The voice is jumping up and down like a maniac and getting mad because Flora isn't getting mad.

"I think you need to take a nap, you sound very cranky."

"Flora, she wants to quit school and become a daycare provider."

"Hmm, that could be fun. But school comes first."

"Then you don't like kids?"

"No, I like kids. But I need to finish school. And speaking of school I need to get back to my dorm, but it was nice talking to you." Flora gets up and leaves.

"And I hope that you get that nap soon since I think you're the one picking on my friends."

"Who me?"

"Yes you! You mean nasty… uh…. Voice!"

The voice sighs dejectedly. "And now you know Flora from Linphea and Fifth moon of Marigold. That was so not fun."

_End _

**Thanks for waiting and thanks for the reviews**.

**Clueless97, Hmm, Sky/Riven Yaoi? But who'd read it on here?**

**Ikey-** **I used both of your ideas.**

**QueeniZ- I** **used the Beetle Guts hope you liked.**

**Princess Cornelia- Was this soon enough?**

**Ragnarok Destroyer**

**Kikii Ember-** **Don't Worry, Brandon's coming.**

**HotWriterGirl158- I honestly don't think I got her mad.**

**Well, thank you for writing and vote for either Brandon or Sky next because I have ideas for both guys. Ideas involving bunnies, and I'd like some more ideas too.**


	5. Fifth Vicitm: Brandon the Confused

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club**

**Summary:** **I'm picking on the characters of Winx Club.**

**Disclaimer : I used to have money, but I blew it on the horses!**

**Fifth Victim: Brandon, Identity Confused Guy from Eraklion**

Brandon's friends had kicked him out of their dorm for his ceaseless wailing over Stella and his aggravating voice. The aggravating voice comment was from Riven who had a strangle hold on his Musa plush. The brunette haired specialist decided to go wander the halls of Red Fountain where he found the same room with the voice. However Brandon is all looks and no common sense- he's basically just a life sized doll with a nervous system- so he went in.

"Hey, Brandon, welcome back!" The voice said happily.

"Huh?" Brandon sounded confused. "Back to where?"

You can just picture the voice rolling its eyes. "This room stupid."

"Uh huh." Brandon takes a seat in the chair igniting a chorus of know your stars.

"Brandon from Eraklion, he enjoys playing My Little Pony with Phobos from W.I.T.C.H."

Phobos comes out looking really pissed. "Hey, you said we were going to keep that a secret!" He reaches into Brandon's pants pocket and snatches a My little pony doll then walks off in a huff. "See if I ever invite you over again."

"But I don't even know that guy!" Brandon protests after Phobos disappears

"Sure ya don't."

"I don't!"

"Liar."

"You dare to call a shield bearer of Eraklion a liar?" Brandon tries to look threatening.

"Yeah, I dare. And by the way your fly is undone. Brandon, he loves to eat horse meat!"

"Ew, that's disgusting! I do _not_ eat horsemeat!"

"Brandon, he hates all animals, especially horses."

Meg (Chibi Horsewoman) comes on stage looking really angry. "Did he just say what I thought he said?"

"That I hate horses?" Brandon asks in a worried tone.

"Or that he _ate_ horses?" Adds the voice

"Yes." Meg pauses. "Well, both."

"He hates horses with a passion he wants to kill them all and turn them into glue." The voice supplies evilly. "And dog food."

"That is so wrong and nasty. And cruel! I'm gonna turn _you_ into glue!" Meg lunges at Brandon and slugs him in the face. She would have done more, but two guards came by and restrained her. They dragged Chibi away. "You're gonna hear from my lawyers and my riding classmates!"

Someone hands Brandon some ice for his face which he applies, then he is handed a mirror. "Oh my GOD! She broke my nose!"

"Brandon, he is a bigger drama queen than Stella, the princess who dumped him."

"Wahh! Stella!" Brandon starts to cry again.

"Brandon, he's the queen of the Drama queens!"

The crying pauses. "_I am not_ !" The crying continues.

"Brandon was dumped because of his fashion sense and the fact that he is an identity confused common freak!"

Brandon immediately stopped crying. "So, you think that if I changed my clothes she'd like me?"

"No."

"Then why did you say that she would?"

"I like to toy with the emotions of impressionable idiots such as yourself."

"Uh thank y…. Hey! You just insulted me, didn't you?" A light clicked in Brandon's head.

"He can be taught." The voice mocks

"Taught what?"

"Brandon, he secretly has a crush on Aino Minako from Sailor Moon."

"Who?"

"Ah, was it an unrequited love?" The voice asks not sounding sorry for the brunette.

"How can it be unre- that word you said if I don't know who she is?"

"Do you even know what the word means?"

"No."

"It means she didn't love you. Which is why you fell in love with Stella because she looks like Minako"

"Huh? How can anyone look like Stella?"

Aino Minako AKA Sailor Venus appears wearing an orange top and a green mini skirt. Her hair is tied up in its traditional red bow. "Stella you came!"

Minako's blue eyes widen. "And people think _I'm_ a ditz? Hello, I'm Aino Minako from Juuban Japan." The blonde looks around in awe. "Is this a TV show? Was I scouted?"

"No, you just popped up here out of nowhere." The voice replied in a bored tone. "You aren't being scouted."

"Ok, so how'd I get here?"

"No clue."

"Okay, then I'll leave."

Minako leaves and Brandon's bottom lip quivers. "Stella?"

"No you idiot! That was Minako from Sailor Moon." The voice snaps.

"Okay. Well, in that case I don't have a crush on her."

"Brandon, his head is for rent."

"It _is_ ?" Brandon is in shock.

"Brandon He didn't love Stella anyway."

Stella pops in looking pissed off. "What do you mean you didn't love me anyway?"

"Stella! I'm sorry, that I'm not royal or anything." Brandon says

"Bull corn!" Shouts the voice.

"Why'd he say you didn't love me any way?"

"He made it up." Brandon replies

"Brandon, he's a lying gold digger." The voice announces.

"I'm glad I found that out ahead of time!" Stella fumes running of the stage with her eyes tearing up.

Brandon gets up and starts running after Stella crying, begging and pleading. "Stella please come back here! I love you! Please don't leave me! I'll go on Queer Eye for the Straight guy and get a make over!" The couple dissapears from sight.

"And now you know, Brandon- the identity confused guy from Eraklion." The voice sighs.

_This is the end, the end of this chapter!_

**Holy crap! I got eleven reviews for this chapter! I had a tie for Brandon/ Sky when I started this, but as I neared the end Sky pulled ahead by two votes. So He's next. Thank you:**

**BubblyShell22, Charmed Millie, Totally Ashley, Ragnarok Destroyer, Clueless97, QueeniZ, Kikii Ember, Princess Cornelia, Madi, Ikey, and Hot Writer Girl158**


	6. Sixth Victim: Sky of Eraklion

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club**

**Summary:** **I'm picking on the characters of Winx Club.**

**Disclaimer : I'm so broke, I can't even buy a soda at work for sixty-five cents.**

**Sixth Victim: Sky, Prince of Eraklion**

Sky had finally decided to stop worrying about disembodied voices and get out of the dorm room. Okay, so he had been kicked out by Helia who claimed that Sky was messing up his positive energy, but who really wants to mince facts? So he wandered around the winding hallways of Red Fountain until he came upon a door that was open a crack. Peering inside, Sky noticed that the room contained a stage with a chair and a spotlight which shone on the chair. Either finding nothing amiss, or forgetting what happened the last time he had been in this room Sky walked on in and sat right down in the chair.

"Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars. Sky Prince of Eraklion." A voice sang in the background.

"Hi." Sky waves at the empty space.

"Sky, he still believes in the tooth fairy."

"Didn't you say that before? And I still don't believe in the tooth fairy."

The voice sighs. "Oh, you remembered. Okay. Sky, he cried for three days straight when he found out the truth about the Easter Bunny."

"Hey where did you…. I mean, that's not true. I reacted like a mature individual when my parents told me."

The voice rolls its eyes. "Sure ya did. Just like when your parents told you about the Diaspro incident?"

Sky recalls the tantrum he had when he was thirteen and his mom and dad told him he was going to get married to the rude girl who stole his birthday cake and most of his presents. "Yes- I mean no. Well…. At least I didn't mention cooties?"

The voice nods. "Sky of Eraklion, He is so jealous of his girlfriend's pet bunny, Kiko, that he beats up the poor animal when she leaves the room."

"That's ridiculous!" Sky shouted, "I'd never abuse animals."

"That's why P.E.T.A. has you on their list."

"PETA has _nearly everyone _on their list."

"Especially mean men who abuse rabbits named Kiko."

"Which I don't"

The voice rolls its eyes. "Moving on. Sky of Eraklion, he's planning on dumping Bloom for Diaspro."

At this mention Bloom pops up looking really pissed off. "You were _what_?" She screeches

"He's going to tell you that he can't stand your smelly rabbit and then dump you for that fairy wannabe, Diaspro." The voice replied although no one had asked it.

"Is that true?"

Sky winced because Bloom's voice was getting really loud and screechy. "No it's not true. I love you and I love Kiko."

"Liar."

"Who asked you?" Sky demanded to no one in particular.

"Oh, nobody. But I still thought people should know that you're an ultra liar!"

"Sky, he's stolen all of Sheen's Ultra Lord action figures!"

"I don't even know who Sheen _or_ Ultra Lord are!" Sky shouts as a strange looking boy wearing an Ultra Lord t-shirt and carrying an Ultra Lord action figure rushes up the stage pushing past Bloom- yes that idiot hasn't left yet- and begins pummeling Sky.

"Sky, he steals the Ultra Lord action figures to show Diaspro his love for her." The voice cackles

"How dare you offend the legacy that is Ultra Lord!" scolds the strange looking boy. "I Sheen , with my ultra powers shall vanquish you." Sheen pulls out a toy light saber. "Prepare to be vanquished."

"Oh my God! You're _stealing_ for her Sky?" Bloom's voice goes up another few decibels and she slaps Sky. "This is even worse than lying to me about who you are!" She finally walks out of the room and Sheen smacks Sky upside the head a few times with the plastic light saber then he leaves.

"Are you finished now?" Sky asks hopefully.

"No. Sky of Eraklion, he's really a girl!"

"No I'm not! I'm a guy! Do I look like a girl?"

"Well, if you look from a certain angle you kind of look like Stella with short hair."

"No I don't!"

"Sky, he has secret fantasies of being stranded with Riven in a dark room with scented candles and making out."

Riven pops up out of no where. "Dude, that's just wrong!" He snaps looking a bit disgusted.

"Then why are there stories about it on the internet?" The voice asks.

"Huh?"

"There are?" Sky adds dumbly.

"Well, not yet, but after this gets out there will be." The voice sings.

"You're insane! I would never do that!"

"Yes you would, while dressed like a girl, because you look like one. And you make a very convincing girl because Riven fell for you."

Riven says nothing just leaves in disgust.

"Dude, I so hate you now! I've lost my girlfriend and my best friend because of you!" Sky stomps off in search of his friends.

"And now you know, Sky, the bi-sexual Prince of Eraklion!" The voice calls out happily.

**_End!_**

**Okay, that's done and over with. Many thanks to Clueless97 who gave me the idea about the scented candles and to the reviewer who gave me the idea of Sky hating bunnies and beating up Kiko. Goddess you have no idea how many times I typed Brandon instead! **

**Alright well, review and tell me who you think should go up next because right now I'm stumped on that.**


	7. Seventh Victim: Musa of Melody

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club**

**Summary: What summary? Everyone is getting made fun of. Even the new characters, maybe even the teachers and the Trix!**

**Disclaimer: Sorry, no money- I just put gas in my car!**

**Victim Seven: Musa From Melody**

Musa was bopping along to the music on her iPod. She was oblivious to everything else. She didn't know that three of her friends, their crushes and her own crush had been tormented by a mysterious voice in a room that was somehow connected to both Alfea and Red Fountain. Musa just knew that _Shut Up _by Black Eyed Peas was playing and she was singing along to it.

Musa kept singing and bopping until she reached the room that everyone else had recently run out of. The pigtailed fairy of music danced on into the room and sat herself down in the infamous chair. The voice waited until the song stopped playing and rushed right in. "Musa! Take off your head phones!"

Musa turned down the volume on her iPod and raised one eyebrow.

"You heard me young lady, take off the head phones." The voice commanded.

"Who are you? Ms. Feragonda?" Musa asked taking off her headphones.

"No."

A chorus of know your stars began.

"Know your stars, Musa of Melody her mother was a car battery." The voice began.

"That's just crazy! My mom wasn't a car battery. My mom is a singer!"

"Okay, sorry."

"Good."

"Musa, her mother was a _Singer_ sewing machine."

"No she wasn't! My mom was a singer! As in a music singer. Get real, no one's parents are inanimate objects."

"Yes, got that. Your mom is a singer sewing machine!"

"Uh no."

"Uh, moving on. Musa, she has no musical talent what so ever!"

"I do too!" Musa shouted back. "I'm from Melody! My dad's a pianist; my mom's a singer. It's in the blood!"

"I fail to see how your parents being a sewing machine and a piano would help, but hey it's your fantasy." The voice mocks.

Musa begins to growl and says something about how at least _her_ parents weren't disembodied voices.

"Yes, your parents are inanimate objects."

"Jerk."

The voice ignores the last comment and moves on "Heh, heh, heh no. Musa, she's really a nasty rotting corpse."

"Eww! No I am _not_ a rotting corpse."

"Yes you are. I can smell you from here." The voice sprays air freshener around the room and a car freshener is suddenly hanging around Musa's neck.

"You're sick."

"Musa the rotting corpse has a giant shrine to Riven "Musa, she has a shrine to Riven including a half scale replica of him made out of Starburst, Peppermint Patties and chocolate Twizzlers."

"How did you…? I mean that's just nuts!"

"Yes, Musa began that shrine the first day she met Riven and started drooling like a child over a candy bar."

"That's not true."

"Okay you waited a few days. But we _all_ saw how you looked at the guy the first time you saw him."

Musa's face turned the same color as her shirt- a nice bright candy apple red and she sputtered. "I didn't! I didn't look at Riven any special way!"

"Yes you did. That's why you're going to kill Chibi Horsewoman for killing you off in a fanfic."

"She killed me?" Musa's eyes almost fell out of her head. "That no good conniving beep" Musa was edited by delay software.

"Hey, watch your potty mouth, this is a children's show."

"But she can't kill me, I'm a cartoon." Musa reasoned.

"Uh huh. Have you ever seen Sailor Moon?" The voice asks with a know it all voice.

"Yeah, no one dies they just go home and leave Serena to fight by herself."

"You mean you haven't seen the original version? Everyone dies!"

"Then she can kill me? Can I come back to life?"

"No, you're dead."

"But how can I be dead? I'm sitting here talking to you."

The voice resists the urge to go off and find a gun. "Musa, she's a friggin' moron!"

"Now that was just rude!" Musa jumped out of the chair. "I don't have to sit here and take abuse from you."

"Yes, you can get it quite easily from Riven after he dumps you for Sky."

"WHAT!" Musa takes off like a bullet and heads toward Red Fountain.

"And now you know Musa from Melody."

**_Done_**

**Hi sorry for that crap that was chapter seven. Please tell me what you think anyway. Thank you to the following reviewers:**

**_Lita Maxwell (after the Timmy chapter I'll bug the Trix!) hotwritergirl158, Clueless97 (did you see what I threw in at the end?) Totally Ashley, Charmed Millie, Kikii Ember, Ragnarok Destroyer (Thank you for the Musa info) and Purple Nova823_**

**Tecna's next so get those ideas coming.**


	8. Eighth Victim: Tecna of Zenith

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club**

**Summary: What summary? Everyone is getting made fun of. Even the new characters, maybe even the teachers and the Trix!**

**Disclaimer:** **You break it, you buy it.**

**Eighth Victim: Techna from Zenith**

Techna wandered into the infamous room and waited anxiously for the questioning to begin. She had only to sit in the chair and it began.

"Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars Techna from Zenith her hair is made out of paper mache and paste." The voice said.

"I used to eat paste when I was little, but my mum stopped letting me use it." Techna replied happily.

"Ah, I see. Techna, she wants to create nano bots with Villuy of Sailor MoonS and take over the world."

"I liked to watch Sailor Moon. And taking over the world would be fun, I'd populate it with fuzzy bunnies and plants. Then I'd make all the rivers flow chocolate milk."

The voice scratched its head. "Techna, she's part mutant cyborg. (1)"

"I once ate a bug and ended up vomiting bug parts and everything else all night."

"That was very… random. Have you considered professional help?"

"I had a handle on life once, but it broke."

"I can see that. Techna, she has explicit dreams of Dr. Spock from Star Trek."

" I love squirrels, I want to create a legion of pyrotechnic squirrels to take over Magix."

"Uh yeah… Techna, she has a rabid squirrel army just waiting to take over Magix."

"I do?"

"Yes, you do. You use them to conduct vile deeds and emit a reign of terror on the inhabitants of Magix."

"Oh, cool!" Techna jumps up and down with glee. "But I can't tonight because I'm working on my legion of pyrotechnic squirrels."

"Oh darn. Techna, she has a massive crush on the dorm's washing machine."

"Actually I'm more of a computer person."

The voice begins to repeatedly bang its head in frustration. Techna was about as frustrating as Flora in the annoyance department. Maybe she was even more annoying than Flora because Techna was saying random stupid things. "That's nice."

"When can I get that rabid squirrel army?"

"Later."

"Darn" Techna pouted. "How long is later?"

"How long can you keep this up?"

"I dunno, how long can _you_ keep this up?" Techna tries to have a staring contest with the voice, but since the voice is lacking a face and therefore eyes, the staring contest is impossible.

"Techna, she likes to bathe in moldy baby food."

"Really? Hmm, maybe I should try that some time."

The voice considers ramming its head against a wall, or hitting itself with a brick. It had no idea that Techna was so dumb. Or at the very least so ditsy. "Techna, she wants to be a witch and she is secretly in love with Darcy!"

"Yay! I get to fly on a broom!" Techna begins to do the happy dance she saw on Fushigi Yugi. Then she stops. "Who's Darcy?"

"One of the Trix sisters. You fought her last year."

"Oh, nope. She has bad hair. And even worse taste in clothes."

"Aargh! I give up!" The voice stomps out.

"I wanna be a Star!" Techna breaks into her bad rendition of a song from the first season dub of Sailor Moon then another Techna comes out holding a remote. She hits the off button and the Techna clone stops singing.

"I knew this would come in handy!" She smiles. "That should teach disembodied voices to mess with my friends."

**Well, look I finished another chapter. Thanks for the reviews.:**

**_Kikki Ember Charmed Millie, Clueless97, Ragnarok Destroyer and QueenieZ_**

**Review more and maybe give me some ideas for Timmy.**

**1. According to one website Techna is part android.**


	9. Ninth Victim: Timmy!

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club**

**Summary: What summary? Everyone is getting made fun of. Even the new characters, maybe even the teachers and the Trix!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own a darn thing!**

**Ninth Victim: Timmy!**

The voice had recovered from what it thought was Techna and called head quarters to get a new victim. Headquarters suggested Timmy and even offered to kidnap him and bring the four eyed carrot top freak down there. The voice declined the offer; those victims always seemed to wind up in the chair on their own.

It had been a long day and Timmy was getting tired of hearing Brandon say 'Timmy throw ball!' over and over again. He _never_ should have tried to distract that guy with episodes of South Park. Bad idea. Worst one he'd ever had. Timmy was planning on shooting the DVD player with his new laser gun as soon as he got back. Smiling at that idea Timmy walked down the hall until he came upon a room with the door ajar. Further investigation revealed that the room contained a chair on a stage. Except for those two things the room was completely bare.

Being a guy, he had to investigate even further. Don't let the glasses fool you folk, Timmy can be as dumb as a bag of hammers. He sat down in the chair and made himself comfortable while trying to figure out what his next course of action should be when it all started.

"Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars, Timmy of… from…. Dammit you're another one! Where are you from?"

Timmy just shrugs.

"Aw well, it's not that important. Timmy he is really Phobos in disguise!"

Caleb comes out brandishing a bat.

"No! Not _that_ Phobos! One of Sailor Mar's crows from Sailor Moon (1)." The voice explains.

"Yeah, like that makes more sense?" Timmy asks as Caleb walks out dragging his bat in defeat.

"Well, no. But it's not supposed to make sense."

"Okay."

"Timmy his secret dream is to beat up Ken Jennings (2) from Jeopardy."

Ken Jennings comes up to the stage wearing a football helmet.

"No I don't, I don't even _know_ who Ken Jennings is." Timmy says defensively.

"Sure you don't"

Ken Jennings looks around the room in confusion. "Where am I?"

"That's what I'm trying to find out." Says Timmy.

"Well, here's a clue, it's _not_ the set of Jeopardy. I'm _not_ Alex Trebeck." The voice declares.

"That's for sure." Agrees Ken Jennings.

The voice looks at Ken the record holding two million dollar winning Jeopardy champion. "You know that you can leave at any time."

Ken Jennings walks off the stage.

"Okay, moving on. Timmy, who is really a crow named Phobos in disguise is afraid of computers."

"How is that even possible?" Timmy asks adjusting his glasses. A giant computer jumps out of nowhere. "Eep!" The carrot haired specialist jumps about five feet in the air.

" You were saying?"

"Hey you'd jump too."

"UH huh."

Timmy just glares defensively.

"Timmy, he is the ruler of the My Little Ponies."

"The what?"

"An eighties children's show featuring talking horses." The voice explains.

"Ah, how about no?"

"Fine, but I must say you have no imagination."

"Well, you more than make up for it."

" Thanks. Timmy, he likes to chew on Flora's plants then blame the damage on Kiko."

"What kind of crap is that? I've _never_ in my entire life chewed on _anyone's_ plants and blamed it on a rabbit."

"Sure you haven't. Behold, exhibit A." One of Flora's beloved plant experiments falls from the ceiling and lands on Timmy's head. It's been lunched on.

Timmy removes the damaged plants from his head and examines it. "That's crazy! Those teeth marks aren't even human."

Cedric from W.I.T.C.H. enters the room in his giant lizard form with an embarrassed look on his face. "It was me."

"Okay, so you didn't eat that plant." Another flower pot drops from the sky, nailing Cedric. "What about this one?"

"Ow!" whines the lizard man. He pulls a cactus off his head and gnaws on it forgetting that cacti have needles. "Ow!"

"Idiot!" Cries the voice.

"I would never eat anyone's plants! I don't even like plants!" Timmy yells.

Flora rushes in all pissed. She's followed by Sailor Jupiter and Tellu.

"Jupiter Oak Evolution!" Yells the thunder senshi.

"Petal power." Whispers Flora.

Tellu doesn't have a cool attack so she just glares at Timmy through her glasses. "How dare you say you don't like plants." She finally says wishing that the senshi hadn't destroyed her greenhouse with all her Tellune plants.

"They give me allergies." Protests Timmy.

Tellu finds a bush off stage and brings it up to Timmy. He runs off sneezing. Sailor Jupiter, Flora, and Tellu hurry after him.

Cedric stares after the angry plant lovers "Do I have to leave too?" he asks plaintively.

"Yes," says the voice and Cedric slithers out. "Now you know Timmy!"

**That's finally done after more than a week. Please don't kill me. **

**1. Sailor Mars' crows are named after the two moons of Mars Phobos and Demos. **

**2. Ken Jennings was the guy who was on Jeopardy for about 3 months, he won over two million dollars**

**Thank you bunnywitharing, Lita Maxwell, Venusuelan Beaver Cheese, Cheese, Ikey, Clueless97, Kikki Ember, Ragnarok Destroyer, purpleNova 823, and Charmed Millie.**


	10. Tenth Victim: Darcy Trix

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club**

**Summary: I ran out of the fairies and specialists for now, So I'm doing the witches until more new episodes offer new fodder, here's Darcy.**

**Disclaimer: Your cat's a liar because my cat said so.**

**Tenth Victim: Darcy Trix**

The voice was tapping its fingers on the desk in its hidden room waiting for a new victim. It seemed that the supply of fairies and specialists had run dry and the voice was in dire need of new amusement. So with nothing better to do, it opened a door in another area hoping to catch something fresh.

At that same time Darcy was wandering around the computer generated meadow in the rehab center for what seemed like the billionth time- it was really only the thousandth- that day when she found a door between two trees. Hoping that it was a way out the brunette witch swung the door wide open and rushed inside. Big huge humiliating mistake.

"Welcome to know your stars. Now sit down and state your name." Announced a disembodied voice.

Darcy snorted. "Why should I?"

"Because if you don't I'll mention the _real_ reason you left Riven."

The mind messing witch just shrugs. "Hey it's his problem, not mine."

"Just sit or I'll mention that whole deal about you and Nakago."

"But if you know about me and Nakago then why do you need my name?"

"Just do it or I'll say it and bring Soi out here." The voice threatens

Darcy sighs and sits down. "Darcy Trix."

"Thank you, Darcy Trix- she once tried to capture the Trix rabbit and steal his pants."

"Uh the Trix rabbit doesn't _wear_ pants. He's naked!" Darcy points out.

"That's because you stole them."

"I doubt he even had pants in the first place."

"Sure he didn't Darcy."

"He never had pants! I've been eating that cereal for years and he has always been naked!"

"So, you like to picture the Trix rabbit naked? Do you have fantasies about the Trix rabbit?"

Darcy just looks disgusted.

"Uh huh. Darcy the pants stealer, she hypnotized Riven because Musa turned her down."

"I what?"

"You hypnotized Riven to get revenge on Musa."

"Well, that _does_ sound like fun, but no I haven't."

"Right." The voice replies dragging out the 'i' "Darcy Trix, she is planning on turning Icy into a cute furry animal and taking over the world dominance operation."

Luckily for Darcy, Icy was somewhere back in rehab and although the ice witch sensed that someone was talking about her, she couldn't tell who it was.

"I would never even consider doing something like that to Icy!"

"Even though she's the reason you're in rehab?" asked the voice.

"Good point."

"Darcy, she used hooked on Phonics to trap Riven and she plans on using it to take over the coven."

"That makes no sense at all. Hooked on Phonics is supposed to teach you how to read- not how to take over."

"Okay, Darcy, she wrote Taking over Covens for Dummies."

"Really?"

"Yes you did." The voice is annoyed now because Darcy isn't flying off the handle. Sighing, it tries again. "Darcy, she wishes she could dress as well as Stella."

That did it. "What the bleep! Why the bleep would I want to be like Stella! That bimbo doesn't even know which end is up on her Sun staff- let alone how to dress!"

Stella comes in wearing her Winx outfit and looking peeved. "Solar Flare!"

"Apparently she does know which way is up on her sun staff." The voice comments.

Darcy looks like burnt toast and falls to the floor- she is carried out by two guards and released into the meadow from where she came.

"And now you know Darcy Trix."

**_End!_**

**Thank you to my twelve wonderful reviewers:**

**Totally Ashley- Either Icy or Stormy. Wolfscout- Thanks, TwinxBloomSparx- Thank you for reviewing the first chapter- I hope you enjoyed the rest of it. Smilin Star 13, Can't Think. Lita Maxwell,-but of course. Clueless97- Actually I feel sorry for Cedric- he _did_ eat a cactus. Kikii Ember- That story was random and funny. Charmed Millie, Ikey, Ragnarok Destroyer- But only because I can't go back and annoy Riven. PurpleNova823- Thank you so much!**

**Okay- so which one of the Trix do I annoy next? Or should I go for Lord Darkar? Review and vote please!**


	11. Eleventh Victim: Stormy Trix

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club**

**Summary: I ran out of the fairies and specialists for now, So I'm doing the witches until more new episodes offer new fodder, Stormy –Chronic Bad Hair Day-Trix.**

**Disclaimer: I am not responsible for anything that happens to Stormy. Yeah- technically it was a tie, but Smilin Star 13 also asked for Stormy when she reviewed chapter nine, so that tipped the balance. What no one loves Darkar?**

**Darkar- That's right! Fear me and vote for me!**

**CHW-Oh shut up, my daughter's diapers are scarier.**

**Darkar- Fear me!**

**CHW (pulls out a dirty diaper )**

**Darkar- (Runs away)**

**Eleventh Victim: Stormy Trix**

Stormy had observed Darcy running from a portal hidden in the trees and decided to investigate. The frizzy haired witch figured that anything would be better than the goody-goody rehab; boy was she ever wrong

Stormy walked through the door and entered a dark room containing a chair and not much else. Not having anything better to do, she sat down and tried to sleep.

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars- Stormy Trix she only has her storm powers because of a freak science accident."

"No I don't I was born with these powers!" Stormy snaps.

"Sure that's what you get for being a science freak."

"I am not a freak!"

"Uh I didn't say you were. Then again with that hair…." The sentence hangs in midair and Stormy grabs it.

"What about my hair?" Stormy asks suspicious of the voice

"Oh well I didn't want to say anything, but Stormy- her hair is frizzy because when she was younger she let Icy talk her into seeing if Mr. Fork and Ms. Outlet could be friends."

Stormy turns bright red. "She promised not to tell!"

"Oh but she did." The voice lies- in reality Icy hasn't been in yet, but Stormy doesn't need to know that.

"Why that little lying bleep!"

"Yes, I see. Stormy Trix, she only became a witch because she failed meteorology school. And her hair was so bad, they wouldn't let her on TV anyway."

Stormy begins to growl. She would have begun to glow and power up as well, but her powers had been completely drained. So Stormy had to deal with growling at a disembodied voice that was making fun of her ambitions. "At least I'm not a disembodied voice!"

"At least _I'm _not a witch with no power." The voice retorts.

Stormy has nothing to add because it's true.

"Stormy- she stole her clothes from a stripper on Jerry Springer."

Random stripper from Jerry Springer comes on stage. "Hey you lousy bleep! Give me back my bleeping clothes!" The stripper- who bears a scary resemblance to Nephrena from Sailor Moon SuperS starts tugging at Stormy's clothes. "Give them back!"

"What! I most certainly do not dress like a stripper!" Stormy is in a rage, but can't do anything because her powers have been drained.

"Yes you do."

The Nephrena look alike stripper gives up and walks out. She really didn't want to see Stormy naked any more than the rest of us.

"Argh! If I didn't have my powers drained you would so regret that!"

"Uh huh, I just bet I would!"

Stormy picks up the chair and throws it, a poor substitute for being able to cause tornados, but what else can she do. Seeing nothing left to throw, the frizzy haired former weather witch storms out. "Oh once I get my powers back I'm gonna find you and kill you!"

"And now you know Stormy Trix."

**_Another victim tortured, life is good._**

**Review shout outs:**

**Smilin Star 13- Thanks for your suggestions (Only has weather powers because she's a science geek and only a witch because she failed meteorology school), Black Wildcat Ranger, Lita Maxwell, Clueless97- Icy's next and I'll have the Sky/Riven fic up by November, PurpleNova823 (AKA Raver) – Thank you for the ideas (Make fun of her hair) Charmed Millie, Ragnarok Destroyer, 333, Musagirl15, YinYang Pisces, Ikey, and Totally Ashley. **

**For all those who voted for Icy, she's next- send your ideas and reviews and I'll give you credit for them. Thanks for reading.**


	12. Twelfth Victim: Icy Trix

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club**

**Summary: I have my last witch ( Well, last Warlock if you want to get technical since they did betray a whole school- but not everyone is familiar with that term so I digress) so let's bring on the torture.**

**Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies- although I wonder if I'm crazy and I say I own Winx Club, do I get to go to the special jail?**

**Twelfth Victim: Icy Trix**

Icy watched Stormy run from a clump of trees with well a storm cloud over her head. Intrigued Icy decided to investigate what could have caused such a reaction. The ice witch figured it had to be better than chronic elevator music and inane chanting. Heh, right.

The former senior witch walked through the door and situated herself on the chair which had been righted after Stormy's temper tantrum. Icy tried to get comfortable, but she had a sneaky suspicion that something was about to happen.

"Know your stars! Know your stars! Know your stars Icy Trix she is on PETA's most wanted list for harming her duck." The voice began knowingly

"Yeah so what?" Counters Icy. "That duck was annoying me- he got what he deserved."

"So if a small animal is annoying you it's just fine to try and kill it?"

The ice witch snorts. "Yeah. I did it to Bloom too. What's your point?"

The voice sighed. "Icy, she is really Clueless97's grandma."

Icy's left eye began to twitch. "Do I look like a grandma to you?"

The voice grinned although you couldn't see it. "Icy, she is really eighty-six years old and uses a lot of botox!"

Her right eye gets in on the twitching action. "I most certainly am not eighty-six! And I don't use botox."

"Uh huh, Icy she wanted to get the Solaris ring so she could get closer to Stella if you know what I mean?"

Icy growls because she can't start conjuring ice blades like she used to. "I most certainly do know what you mean! And it's completely false!"

"Oh, but Darcy told me differently"

Flashback to when Darcy was still in the room. "Oh by the way, Icy wanted Stella's ring to get closer to Stella." End flashback.

"I meant that we should use it to get closer to her powers. Don't go taking the whole conversation out of context."

"Yeah right Icy. Everyone knows how you really feel." The voice taunted.

"If I had my powers they would." Icy snapped.

"Uh huh. Icy Trix, her forehead was used to project movies at the Magix multiplex."

"How is that possible?"

Taiki Kou one of the Starlight's secret identities comes on stage in her Starlight's fuku and slaps Icy across the face. "That's for stealing my job."

The former ice witch stares at Taiki her eyes bugging out. "As what a hooker?"  
The voice thinks of Icy's clothes. "You're a great one to talk."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Taiki slinks away sensing that the whole situation is going to get ugly

"You know what? I'm just not gonna say. Icy she is really Santa Claus's love child." The voice starts to snort.

"That's just really not true!" Icy snarls.

"Yeah- you're right. You get coal for Christmas don't you?"

"I don't even believe in Santa Claus!"

Santa Claus comes down from a chimney the prop people just added for that purpose. "That's it Icy, you're out of the will!" The jolly elf goes back up the chimney.

"Ha!" taunts the voice.

Icy cracks her knuckles and thinks of what she'd do if she still had her powers.

"Heh, Icy, she's really part polar bear."

Icy jumps out of her chair and starts yelling. "That's defamation of character! I'm gonna sue!"

"Uh, you're in a rehabilitation center for trying to take over a realm. Who in their right mind will represent you?"

"Johnny Cochran (1)?" Icy makes her statement a question. And the voice has no comment. With that in mind, Icy leaves to find her lawyer.

The voice sighs heavily. "Now you know, Icy Trix."

_**Icy just got owned!**_

**Review shout outs! WelcometoKatzmote- I do need to change that, Player L, Clueless 97- Do I need to pay you royalties? Ikey- I used the forehead thing, but differently, Titanfan, Bubbly Shell22- she is now 86 with a botox addiction. Xeed Guilman- it's in there. Ragnarok Destroyer- I came close, right? WILD CAT BLACK RANGER, Purple Nova823.**

**Helia's next. What to say, what to say.**

**1.) For those who don't know. Johnny Cochran was O.J. Simpson's lawyer.**


	13. Thirteenth Victim: Helia the 'Pacifist'

**Dedication: This is dedicated to Bubbly Shell! My 100th reviewer for this story! Woot! I reached 100 reviews on a story! That's a first! (throws confetti and releases the balloons and Riven clones) Oh and Ragnarok Destroyer who has an unhealthy infatuation with Flora.**

**Disclaimer: Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead. It went to school with her each day, between two hunks of bread.**

**Victim Thirteen: Helia the 'Pacifist'**

The voice was feeling pleased with itself. Three witches who were rendered nearly powerless had been appropriately tortured, but it just wasn't very fulfilling. So yet again the infamous door was created between Red Fountain and Alfea to catch another goody-goody.

Helia was bored, _very_ bored. He was so bored that the rumored pacifist, the nephew of Saladin was considering arranging his sock drawer by color. Finally the black haired specialist couldn't take it anymore and decided to wander into the dark hallways of Red Fountain. Inevitably he wound up at the infamous door.

Not having anything better to do, Helia walked inside and was immediately roped to the chair.

"Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars… Helia the pacifist." You can't see it, but the voice is doing air quotes as it says pacifist. "He once tried to escape from his bedroom using his hair."

Helia says nothing, just pulls out a book and begins to read in the dim light. Yes, he had somehow managed to free himself from the ropes, but he was just so bored he decided to stay where he was.

The voice sighed and tried again. "Helia, he's really Helios the Pegasus from Sailor Moon, but he took on a new form to hide from Chibi Usa."

Helia looked up confused "Uh, one why would I do that? And two no."

"Helia who uses his hair to escape from places and is really Helios is not a pacifist. He tried to kill Relena Peacecraft."

"Who wouldn't? She's very annoying." The black haired boy replied

Hiiro comes in and points a gun at Helia, "Sorry, but I have to do this." Shoots Helia, but since this is a children's show and I don't want to kill Helia the bullet misses.

Megan comes up to Hiiro and drags him off stage. "No, bad anti social masochist. No shooting guns."

They walk off. "Well, that was random." Helia comments

"Who are you telling? Helia, he hates cheese."

"No I don't I like cheese a lot."

The voice ignores that comment. "Helia, he doesn't really draw. He uses an advanced type of photoshop that makes it look like he can draw to get girls to like him."

"Now what would I do that for?"

"Because you're a no talent hack. At least Riven can be used for comic relief."

Riven pops his head in. "That was mean!"

"Oh stuff it Jell-o head." Snaps the voice.

Riven rushes off to curl up with his Musa doll before the voice can be mean to him again.

"Ok, Helia he hates plants. Especially flowers. Infact Helia thinks all flowers should be burned."

"WHAT!"

Flora rushes out on stage looking pissed. And for Flora to look pissed you know something's up. "Helia how could you!" the floral fairy is near tears.

The voice grins maliciously "Yes, Helia wants to destroy flowers. He supports deforestation and burning down the rain forest." There is a dramatic pause. "He's a worse plant hater than Timmy."

"It's not true! You're lying!"

"Helia! I can't believe this! I loved you and you hurt me like this!" Flora transforms into her fairy form. " Daisy chain bomb."

Helia is turned into a tulip.

"Man, that was short, random and funny."

Megan comes back in. "You're right."

Flora walks off leaving Helia the tulip. "The more guys I meet, the happier I am to be single."

"You said it." Megan calls back following Flora out.

"And now you know Helia." The voice sighs.

**Yes I know very short and probably dumb. But I didn't have much on Helia**

**Actually there is _nothing_ on Helia, he's boring. But I hope you liked this chapter**

**Layla's next any ideas?**


	14. Fourteenth Victim: Layla of Andros

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club**

**Summary: Well, we've come to the 14th chapter of this wonderful story. It's time to torture new people! Yay second season!**

**Dedication: This is dedicated to Wildcat Black Ranger who has been dying for a Layla chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I may as well have brought a bag of screaming cats**

**Fourteenth Victim: Layla from Andros**

The voice had finally stopped laughing hysterically at Helia's misfortune and decided to contact the last of the fairies. This contacting consisted of a portal forming under Layla's feet and sucking her into the chair.

"Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars… Layla from Andros she only joined the Winx club to be popular." The voice begins in monotone

"That's not true!" Layla yells. "I don't care about being popular. The Winx girls are my friends."

"Sure. That's why your old school voted you least popular. Do they know what you said about them?"

"What did I say about them?"

A copy of Everyone but me falls from the sky and lands on Layla's head. She immediately removes it and begins to read. "What? I would never say that Bloom is unstable!"

The voice grins maliciously. "What I didn't quite hear you."

Layla repeats herself. "I would never say that Bloom is unstable."

"Can you say that last part a bit louder?"

The water fairy takes a deep breath and shouts. "Bloom is UNSTABLE!"

Bloom bursts through the doors fairly glowing with rage. "How can you say that I'm unstable?" She demands sounding anything but stable.

"Well, given your current state." Layla mutters

The voice remembers what happened when Stormy got mad and quickly tries to change the subject. "Layla who was voted least popular by her old school and thinks that Bloom is unstable. She really hates the pixies."

"What? Now that is completely untrue. I don't hate the pixies. They were my only real friends until I met the Winx girls." Layla is near tears for some reason.

"Uh huh, which is why you sacrificed them to Ba'al (1) so you could be Lord of the Dance."

"Like that makes any sense. I don't even know who Ba'al is. And why would I want to be Lord of the Dance?"

"True. Layla she secretly has a crush on Anubis the outcast system lord."

"The _what_? " Layla is now seriously confused and a figure in a black cloak suddenly bursts through the doors.

"You! You!" The cloaked figure is wagging his finger and sputtering.

"Sorry, did I disturb your crochet lesson Anubis?" The voice taunts.

"You!"

"Whoa _that_ Anubis? From Stargate? Like Hell I'd have a crush on that guy." Layla snorts.

"You have a crush on a guy who wears dresses?" Bloom gasps. Until then everyone had forgotten she was still there.

"This is not a dress it's a robe!" Anubis shouts shooting a blast of energy at Bloom.

Bloom ducks out of the way just in time and the blast hits a wall.

"Hey not my studio!" The voice exclaims

Anubis turns to glare to the voice and is upset because he can't see it so he blasts another shot in the direction of the voice.

"Okay enough! Anubis go to the chair for time out!" The voice is really angry with Anubis.

Anubis fades out and now the voice is a bit freaked because he can just phase in and out. "Okay Layla she is related to Teyla from Stargate Atlantis."

A woman with wavy brown hair wearing a military uniform comes on stage as Layla shouts. "That's impossible! I don't have any siblings!"

"Neither do I!" The woman shouts back

Stella- who had been wandering around the halls of Alfea gets curious from the shouts she hears coming from one room and decides to sneak a peak. The blonde fairy walks in and begins to accost Teyla. "Who are you?"

"Teyla Emmagan from Stargate Atlantis. Who are you?"

"Princess Stella of Solaria. Why are you wearing such a hideous outfit?"

"It's my uniform. Why aren't you wearing any clothes?" The older woman counters pointing at Stella's barely there shirt and skirt.

"Honey you need a make over!" Stella exclaims ignoring the comment

"Hey! Can we get back to the show?" The voice asks worried that the two new comers may ruin the set completely.

"You need to get a clue!"

"You need a man!" The blonde shoots back glaring defiantly at the Pegasus native

"If you're such a princess then why can't you afford an actual outfit? Honestly I've seen better dressed wraith (2)"

Layla and Bloom shrug since they don't know what a wraith is, but Stella thinks she may have been insulted so she throws the ring of Solaria into the air and transforms.

Teyla gets into a fighting stance as Stella finishes transforming. "Yep I've still seen better dressed wraith." She pauses and smirks. "Prettier too."

"You're going down!" Sun sweeper!"

The voice shudders and lets out a sigh as the fight commences. "And now you know Layla, Princess of Andros who gave the Pixies to Ba'al to be Lord of the Dance.

_**I know this hasn't ended well for you, but it's been fun**_

**Don't let the ending fool youI plan on doing more chapters. Thanks everyone for being so patient. I think I may do Darkar next. And thanks to anyone who gave me ideas.**

**1.) A system Lord from Stargate SG-1.**

**2.) An alien which feeds on the human life force. It's like a vampire and really ugly. From Stargate Atlantis**


	15. Fifteenth Victime: Lord Darkar

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club **

**Summary: I've done fourteen chapters of fairies, specialists, and witches. Now it's time to do some leaders instead of followers. Darkar, Teachers, classmates who I know of and Pixies watch out It's your turn.**

**Dedication: This is for my friends who will hopefully know what villains I'm talking about because this should be a good chapter.**

**Disclaimer: You are an inanimate object! But am I going to stop talking to you? Oh, no, no, no, my inanimate friend. Why? Because... because... because I have been STRUCK upon the HEAD!** (1)

**Fifteenth Victim: Lord Darkar or is it Lord Dorkar?**

The voice had moved herself to an undisclosed location because Teyla and Stella had completely trashed the former location. After setting up shop which was really just a chair and a spotlight the voice somehow managed to lure Lord Darkar to the new location. It wasn't that hard really- she just convinced Darkar that she had the ultimate power.

Lord Darkar came in and sat down in the chair and before he could say "Give me the ultimate power' the chant started.

"Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars… Lord Darkar he is president of the Pink Kitties Organization (2)"

The voice has to contain her laughter as Darkar tries to leap from his chair screaming. "KITTIES? WHERE? SAVE ME FROM THE PINK KITTIES OF DOOM!" He runs around and then trips back into the chair.

It looks absurd and the voice has to try and compose herself before speaking again. "Lord Darkar he thinks that Magneto(3) is a big sissy and that he could kick his butt no problem."

Darkar was about to open his mouth to deny that fact when a guy wearing what looked to be a red bucket on his head along with a cape strode through the doors after opening them with what seemed to be his mind. "Ooh nifty." The voice squealed upon seeing Magneto using his powers. Then remembering her job the voice composed herself

. "Yes, Darkar he said that he should be the leader of the brotherhood (4). And that Magneto really wrote Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants."

"Is that so?" Magneto asked in a rather cultured voice. (Hey I don't get X-Men Evolution here and my X-Men DVDs have been seized by the Ruler of the Chipmunks!)

"Well it could be." Darkar admitted sheepishly

Magneto's response to that was to wave his hands and cause the chair that Darkar had previously occupied to hit the holder of the Phoenix power (No clue what it's really called) over the head repeatedly. "Now who kicked whose butt?" Magneto disappears as suddenly as he appeared.

The voice holds back a snort of laughter and continues. "Lord Darkar. He thinks that Lord Voldemort (5) is about as evil as Bloom on a bad hair day."

"What? When did I…" Darkar was quickly silenced by the voice continuing her comments.

"Infact Darkar even challenged Voldemort to a contest of evilness and has told everyone he won."

The doors are flung open again to reveal a rather pasty snakelike man with glowing red eyes. The voice jumps (Just picture it ok?) a foot out of her seat and is glad she's hidden. That Voldemort guy is creepy looking.

"Is that so?" The pale snakelike guy hissed. "Darkar you big liar!" At the sound of his voice a pack of pinkish kitties appear at Voldemort's feet ready to do his bidding.

The voice grins at this. "Oh yeah did I mention that Darkar claims to be the leader of the Pink Kitties Organization. But he's really afraid of kitties?"

"Yess I know." Voldemort replies grinning. "Attack!"

The swarm of pink kitties jumps at Darkar's face scratching and clawing everywhere. Then just as quickly as it had begun, the cats jumped off of Darkar one by one.

Darkar was scratched up pretty bad, but instead of allowing him to go find some bandages and hydrogen peroxide the voice decided that just one more guest would be perfect for the poor nearly comatose villain. "Lord Darkar. He sold Ba'al, a Goa'uld, a really nice house in the Hamptons."

Darkar grinned. "That's true I did recently sell someone named Ba'al a really nice mansion that I had grown tired of. But boy will he be in for a surprise."

"Oh really?" The voice is a really incredible actress and is acting incredibly surprised.

"Yes really."

Suddenly a ring transport (6) shows up and Ba'al the aforementioned system Lord appears.

"Hey, Ba'al. Nice to see you. Hey I have some news for you." The voice sounds really perky

"Oh really?" Ba'al sounded very interested and a chair appeared for him to sit in.

"Yes really, Darkar, he just sold Ba'al a really nice house in the Hamptons, but he's planning on infesting it with vermin. And then buying it back from Ba'al for less than he sold it for."

"Vermin?" Ba'al interrupted sounding agitated.

"Yeah you know, bugs, snakes, rats… chipmunks?"

"Interesting." Ba'al summoned the ring transport then returned with a beautifully wrapped package. "This is for you." Then he left again.

The voice and Darkar both heard ticking… the voice who had been watching too much Stargate SG-1 suddenly up and ran from her hiding place while Darkar opened the package to reveal a bomb disguised as a clock. As soon as Darkar lifted the clock up to inspect it the bomb went off.

From her new undisclosed location the voice muttered. "And now you know, Lord Darkar."

_**End**_

**Sorry about the abrupt ending. But hey I hope you like it**

**1.) Name the person who said that quote. And no cheating by looking in my profile**

**2.) Thank you Hawk Mad for that suggestion**

**3.) Villain from X Men comics. He has control over metal.**

**4.) From what I remember it's an organization for the mutants that were on Magneto's side**

**5.) Creepy guy from Harry Potter, thanks goes to Bubbly Shell for the suggestion **

**6.) A group of five rings that can transport a person from a ship to a planet and such. Thank you to Charles for the suggestion**


	16. Sixteenth Victim: Mirta

**  
Know Your Stars: Winx Club **

**Summary:  I've done fourteen chapters of fairies, specialists, and witches. Now it's time to do some leaders instead of followers. Darkar, Teachers, classmates who I know of and Pixies watch out it's your turn.**

**Dedication: People places and things.**

**Disclaimer: My goal in life was to be an F-1 racer! But look at me now, sitting here and writing fanfiction**

**Victim Sixteen: Mirta the Good Witch**

The voice had spent some time decorating her new surroundings and finding just the right chairs and lighting. Finally she decided that it was time to find someone else to give bad information about. So she flipped through the papers on her desk and found Mirta, the red haired witch who transferred to Alfea. A funny look crossed her face and she hatched a plan.

Mirta was wandering the halls of Alfea trying to find Layla when she was suddenly sucked through a wormhole and transported into a chair.

"Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars Mirta from uh… yeah Mirta… she is really an evil witch and trying to steal the ring of Solaria." The voice announced with a sense of triumph.

"What?" Mirta sounded scared. "I would never steal something like that! I'm not that kind of person."

"Well you are a witch right?" The voice asked condescendingly. In reality she didn't hold with all the stereotypes, but hey she had work to do.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean anything."

"Sure it doesn't dear. Mirta, she dyes her hair with cherry soda."

"No I don't. I dye it with cherry Kool-Aid!" Mirta snorts.

"Really?"

"No not really. I dye it with a secret magic spell."

"Well that's boring. Mirta she is really a spy for Cloud Tower." The voice tries again

"That's a lie! I would never spy for Cloud Tower!" Mirta's face was slowly turning the same color as her hair.

"You probably would." The voice counters.

"I most certainly would not."

The voice shrugs "Mirta, she is on a mission to turn Lucy into a fairy."

"What? I would never! That's just…. No! I like Lucy the way she is."

"Mirta, she thinks that Stella has terrible fashion sense and is in desperate need of a make over."

"Well, that's actually true. But to each their own." Mirta replies calmly.

"I can't argue with that." The voice pauses and tries to think of something really good. "Mirta, she thinks Bloom is a bossy egotistical maniac who only cares about herself and Sky."

"What? When did I ever say that?"

"Never. But you know you were thinking it. Mirta, she is biding her time until she can tell everyone in Alfea how Flora really gets her plants."

"How?"

"Oh come on, you know that she steals her plants from Bloom's mom's shop on Earth."

"That is so untrue! I swear if you say one more lie I'm going to do something really mean to you." The cherry haired witch snaps.

The voice shrugs, she saw the episode where Mirta tricked the witches. All it would be is an illusion. "Mirta, she secretly misses being a pumpkin." (Thank you Sammie)

Mirta doesn't say anything, she just bursts into tears and runs out of the room.

"And now you know, Mirta the good witch." The voice feels really bad and decides to perk up her spirits by finding a new victim to torture.

_**The End**_

**Yeah, I know that chapter was sub par, but I was just getting back into the swing of things. So bear with me. The next chapter will be Griselda. Boy do I have things to say about her! So please review.**


	17. Seventeenth Victim: Ms Griselda

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club **

**Summary:  I've done fourteen chapters of fairies, specialists, and witches. Now it's time to do some leaders instead of followers. Darkar, Teachers, classmates who I know of and Pixies watch out it's your turn.**

**Dedication: Nisa who deserves a dedication. I'm just sorry it's on this rotter of a chapter**

**Disclaimer: Irish Diplomacy: The art of telling a man to go to hell in such a way that he looks forward to the trip.**

**Victim Seventeen: Griselda: Head of Discipline at Alfea**

The voice had just finished sending a gift basket to Mirta, she felt really bad about making her cry about being pumpkin. But in the voice's defense how was she supposed to know that Mirta was in therapy for being a pumpkin? To distract herself from that odd chain of events the voice decided to try and find her next victim. A random computer selection found Ms Griselda.

"This should be interesting." The voice muttered to herself as she managed to get a note sent to Ms. Griselda that she'd won some kind of sweepstakes and waited for the head of discipline at Alfea to show up.

She didn't have to wait long; soon Ms. Griselda entered the room and sat in the infamous chair.

"Know your stars! Know your stars! Know your stars! Ms Griselda of… uh… well how about Andros? Do you like Andros?" The voice asked, she was beginning to hate the fact that she only knew where the Winx girls and two main losers were from.

"What is this?" Ms Griselda demanded.

"Andros it is! Ms. Griselda from Andros, she has an unnatural obsession with trashy romance novels." (Thanks Nisa)

"What? How can you say that?" the strict teacher demanded angrily.

"I found these in your room." A shower of trashy romance novels including a few by Danielle Steele rains onto Griselda's head.

Ms Griselda is less than pleased. "How dare you go into my room without permission?"

"That's for me to know and you not to find out. Ms Griselda who I have decided is from Andros and reads trashy romance novels, she is the older sister of Rita Repulsa from the very first season of Power Rangers!" (1)

"That is extremely false!" the Alfea head of discipline shouts turning a vivid shade of red.

"Yeah, whatever."

"No. For one thing Rita is seven years older than me and for another she's _not_ my sister."

"Oh?" the voice is trying not to sound curious.

"Yes, she's my second cousin."

The voice face faults. That had to have been one of the oddest things she had ever heard since starting this job last year. "Crap… uh Miss Griselda, she was once a Victoria's Secret model." You can just picture the voice crossing her fingers in hopes that this fact isn't true.

"Of course not! Don't be absurd." Griselda shouts.

"Could it be because you were too damn ugly?"

"How dare you? Once I find out who you are I'm revoking your hall pass and giving you infinite detention."

"You know that would scare me, if I went to school here." The voice points out. "Griselda, she's really Ms. Faragonda's secret lover, but Ms F doesn't want people to know since she's so fugly."

"Just you wait! I'm going to find out who you are and expel you!" Griselda shouts in a royal snit. You can just about see the steam rising from her ears at this point.

"Uh, I don't go here!" the voice shouts back.

"Then I'll enroll you just so I can expel you!"

"But you don't even know my name! How the hell will you manage that?"

Griselda shoves herself out of the chair and makes her way to the door. "You'll find out!"

The voice sighs, "And now you know Ms. Griselda who is too ugly to be a Victoria's Secret Model and is Ms. Faragonda's lover. I really need to get off this cold medicine."

_**The End**_

**Hey everyone, thanks for waiting. I know these are kind of bad now, but maybe if I get to try one of the pixies next it'll be better. Any suggestions?**


	18. Eighteenth Victim: Valtor

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club **

**Giant thanks to: My loyal readers, thanks so much for waiting for an update**

**Giant No thanks to: 4Kids. Those buggers took Winx Club off the air after only running the third season once! So now they just have boy's shows on their Saturday Morning Line Up**

**Disclaimer: Things I won't do in Magix: Bring up this story**

**Victim Eighteen: Valtor (1) King of the Dodos**

The voice had just finished dusting off the furniture and ordering new equipment for the set. It had been nearly a year since she'd used this room and she wanted to get things started right. There was a new character she had to annoy and dammit all to Hell she wanted to get the annoying done right.

Meanwhile in his damp, dark, and dreary cave Valtor was wandering the caverns trying to escape the Trix constant bickering and his own private demons (aka himself) when he found a door. Thinking that maybe it would lead to a new realm where he could steal spells, Valtor walked right in and found a chair with a sign over it that read: **Sit here for free spells**. Being the greedy goat that he is, Valtor sat down in the chair and immediately the fun started.

"Know your stars! Know your stars! Know your stars! Valtor." The voice shouted from somewhere high in the ceiling of her secret room. Valtor, for his part jumped a good four feet in the air and then plummeted back down.

"What do you want?" The freaked out wizard demanded.

"Valtor, he is the high king of the dodos!" The voice announced gleefully.

"No I'm not! And besides, dodos are extinct."

"Valtor, who is king of the dodos. His life long ambition is to be a drag queen that's why he wears make up and frilly clothes."

"I most certainly do not want to be a drag queen!" Valtor shouted angrily.

"Uh huh. If you don't think you're a girl then how do you explain the purple eye shadow and false eyelashes?" the voice countered. "And these pictures of you in Stormy's dress." She added holding up some five by sevens of Valtor in Stormy's civilian get up.

Valtor couldn't think of a proper come back, so he just sat and squirmed in his chair.

"Yeah, I thought so. Valtor the girly king of the Dodos, he's secretly Dick Cheney's twin brother." (2)

"What the hell!" Valtor shouted. "Do I look like a balding old man?"

"No, but I never said you were his _identical_ twin now did I? Besides, you have terrible aim."

"I am _not_ Dick Cheney's brother!"

"Okay, fine."

"Thanks." Valtor said a bit prematurely.

"Valtor, who is in denial about being Dick Cheney's brother. He was once married to Chewbacca (3), but the marriage wasn't considered valid on their home planet so it was annulled."

Chewbacca comes out making some very angry sounding wookie noises. Valtor blanches noticeably. Chewy kicks him in the shin and walks away.

"Valtor, he's tried to ban Desperate Housewives." The voice announces.

Chibi Horsewoman and a few of her friends rush the stage and begin to pummel Valtor.

"What? That wasn't me!" Valtor protests between beatings. "That was Tart!"(4)

"To the Tokyo Mew Mew set!" One of the girls shouts, they all run off, leaving Valtor in his own personal world of pain.

The voice grins maliciously as Valtor uneasily hoists himself back in the chair. The dark wizard waits uneasily as the voice ruffled through her papers.

"Valtor, he learned all his spells from Madam Razz (5) hat's why they don't work."

"There is no way I learned spells from her! I may have _stolen _spells from her, but I didn't learn them."

"Valtor, he was kicked out of Ponyville!" the voice cackled.

"That's not true!"

"Yes it is! And in retaliation Valtor stole Brandon's my little ponies and sold them on Ebay."

Brandon comes rushing out on stage with a herd of colorful ponies. "Onward my legion of little ponies! We shall reclaim what is rightfully ours!"

Brandon and the ponies trample Valtor to the ground, in the process they recover twenty My Little Pony figures from the pockets of that God awful eighteenth century reject jacket of his. They galloped off triumphantly with Brandon in the lead holding up most of the ponies.

"I don't know if I can take much more of your lying!" Valtor moaned as he began to search for some painkillers. "First you say that I'm a king. Then you say that I'm related to Dick Cheney, whoever the hell he is!" Valtor is beginning to rock back and forth in the chair. "Then I'm attacked by girls and ponies. I can't do this anymore!"

"Great!" The voice chirps.

"Why's that?"

"Because I only have one last thing to say! Valtor! He is the CEO of 4Kids!" As soon as the voice finished her sentence a horde of purists rushed in grabbing Valtor, chair and all.

"What? Help! Stop! Put me down!" Valtor shouted as he was carried off.

"And now you know, Valtor King of the Dodos!" The voice shouted over cries of 'Let's boil him in oil' 'No let's make him watch those dubs of his!' and 'No they don't! Get back here so I can sue you for defamation of Character'

_**I will not tell Bloom that I know where her parents are then refuse to tell her.**_

**Well after nearly a year (nine months to be exact… crap I could have had a kid by now.) I finally finished. Please read and review. Ms Griffin is next.**

**1.)****Valtor is the name I got from the official RAI Winx Website. Even though it did say Baltor for a little while. Since Valtor is the official name, that's what it's going to be here.**

**2.)****At this present time, Dick Cheney is the Vice President of the USA**

**3.)****Character in the first Star Wars Trilogy. He's a wookie AKA a big brown hairy monster looking thing. But he was on the good guy's side**

**4.)****A villain from Tokyo Mew Mew**

**5.) She was a really nutty female wizard in this 80's cartoon called She Ra princess of power**


	19. Nineteenth Victim: Ms Faraganda

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club **

**Giant thanks to: My loyal readers, thanks so much for waiting for an update**

**Giant No thanks to: 4Kids. Yeah, now they have Winx Club back on the air, but I can't watch it because it's on too late and 01 Distribution for not releasing the 3rd season in English.**

**Dedication: My boyfriend Lee because even if he isn't reading this he is going to be at college and that will give me more time to write. And to Phil who hates Winx Club, but likes making fun of them**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Winx Club because I have better fashion sense than they do.**

**Victim Nineteen: Ms Faraganda Headmistress of Alfea**

The voice had been silent for a while because of other pressing matters like losing the address for someone she had to mail something too. And having to buy a new chair since all the Winx Club Purists had stolen it when they carried off Valtor. But she'd found those and was now ready to reinstate her annoyance on the residents of Magix. She leafed through yearbooks until she found the perfect victim and then set a new trap and awaited her prey.

Meanwhile Ms Faraganda was busy working in her office when she received an urgent text message about Bloom being in trouble and that she'd better check her email for more instructions. Upon opening her email she found a map that would lead her to Bloom. Not wasting any time Ms Faraganda quickly printed out the map and then dashed off down the hall and into the infamous room.

Ms Faraganda entered the room and sat down in the only chair in the room.

"Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars…Ms Faraganda from the Company of Light." The voice announces.

"Yes, that's true. Now where's Bloom?" Ms Faraganda asks in a worried tone. "I got a message saying that she's missing."

"You'll find out in a while. Ms Faraganda, her hair is made out of cotton candy."

"That's not true, my hair is made out of whatever hair is made out of and it's white because I'm old."

The voice grins. "Ms Faraganda, she's Methuselah's (1) grandmother."

"I am no one's grandmother." Ms Faraganda

"Ms Faraganda, she doesn't have kids because back when she was younger she was so ugly that her mother had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her." The voice announced with a big grin.

"That wasn't the case, I had a lot of boyfriends." Ms Faraganda. "Now if you'll excuse me I have to go find one of my students. I received an urgent message about her being in trouble."

"Oh, that was a lie, I needed someone to bother."

"Why did you do it? And why Bloom?"

The voice shrugged. "Because I was bored, and I knew if it was Bloom you'd come here like your pants were on fire."

"That was very rude of you." Ms Faraganda stated in a cold tone of voice.

"Ms Faraganda, the only reason she stopped being a witch was because she lost a bet and a pie eating contest to Professor Edeltrude from Cloud Tower." The voice stated proudly ignoring Ms Faraganda's comment.

"That's not true I just chose to stop being a witch. I don't even like pie. Where are you getting all your information anyway?"

"The internet." The voice grinned. "Oh and I know for a fact that you _do_ like pie."

"Well it's all wrong. And I do _not_ like pie."

"Is that so?" The voice asked innocently as a large blueberry pie fell from the ceiling into Faraganda's lap. The grey haired headmistress only hesitated a moment before digging in."As I was saying, Ms Faraganda, who _does _like pie and got kicked out of Cloud Tower. She only joined the Company of Light to try and score with Saladin."

Ms Faraganda spit out the pie right across the room. "That's just a fabrication that some cheap rag of a newspaper made up!" She shouted angrily.

"Right sure it is." The voice replied not believing her. "_That's_ why you purposely lost the pie eating contest so you could stop being a witch because you heard that Saladin likes fairies better."

"There never was a pie eating contest I just decided to leave Cloud Tower and I never joined the Company of Light to become closer to Saladin, in fact there was never anything going on between Saladin and I."

"Yes, that's the way it was." The voice replies dumping a box of obviously doctored photos onto the white haired headmistress. All of the photos contain pictures of Faraganda and Saladin in compromising positions.

"Where on Magix did you get these?" Ms Faraganda gasps. "They're all fake and this one has me with the body of a fish!"

"The internet." The voice says again. "Ms Faraganda she's Bloom's great-grandmommy!"

"This is ridiculous! I am not anyone's grandma or great-grandma!" Ms Faraganda shouts getting red in the face from anger.

"Then how do you explain all the special treatment she gets from you?"

"Bloom doesn't get treated any differently from any other student here at Alfea."

"I think this proves my point." The voice says as she re-runs clips of the other Winx girls getting yelled at for Bloom running off to Gardenia (2) and the concerned parents being told to bog off because Bloom's staying (3).

"Those were doctored too!"

"Nope, these are straight from my DVDs, you have to be Bloom's great-grandmommy!" The voice shouts.

"I don't have to take this from you anymore I'm leaving!" Ms Faraganda shouts and she leaps from the chair and runs out the door.

"And now you know, Ms Faraganda, who really is Bloom's great-grandmommy!"

**_Eep_****_! It's King Tut's grandmummy!_**

** Well there you have it, the nineteenth chapter, I think I'm losing my funny. But who should be next? A pixie? Nabu? Other teachers? Well review and tell me. And hey if you leave suggestions I'll credit you! Ciao tutti!**

**1.) ****Some patriarch from the Bible who lived about 1,000 years ago and he was old too.**

**2.) ****Season 1 when the Trix steal Bloom's Dragon Flame, Ms Faraganda and Ms Griselda scold the other Winx for not stopping Bloom from leaving when in reality Bloom snuck out without telling them.**

**3.) ****Season 3 after some parents come to Faraganda telling them their concerns about Valtor**


	20. Twentieth Victim: Amaryl the brat

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club **

**Giant thanks to: My loyal readers, thanks so much for waiting for an update. Oh and for Authoress who suggested I torment Amaryl.**

**Giant No thanks to: Whoever is in charge of the Winx Club movie because there's no dual language or English release of that!**

**Dedication: To my 199th reviewer muziek. Yes, most people go by their 200th, but this chapter just flew off my fingers after I was finished with Ms Faraganda and I didn't have 200.**

**Disclaimer: I'm not bossy I just have better ideas.**

**Victim Twenty: Amaryl (1) - Bet You Weren't Expecting her**

The voice was feeling very disappointed with herself after the whole incident with Ms Faraganda. Yes, she had annoyed the headmistress, but it just didn't humor her. So she pulled out the class list of third years at Alfea and found a fairy that everyone knew, but no one really did anything to.

Meanwhile Amaryl had been peacefully reading in her dorm minding her own business when she suddenly found herself pulled from her bed and dropped into a chair with a spotlight on it.

"Know your stars! Know your stars! Know your stars Amaryl from…hey where are you from?" A voice from nowhere shouted causing Amaryl to jump a few inches

"What business is it of yours?" Amaryl snapped when she had regained her composure.

"Okay we'll do it your way. Amaryl the bratty fairy from a planet that's not as good as Stella's." The voice paused to take a breath and to think of a shorter phrase. "She's really a naga (2) from planet Andros!"

"What? I am _not_ a naga? Do I look like a half human half snake thing?"

"Yep. Amaryl the naga, she's jealous of Stella because Stella has legs."

"Hey I have legs too!" Amaryl stretches her legs to try and show that she has them.

"Oh _okay_." The voice sighs. "Amaryl the naga, she sold her soul to the sea witch from The Little Mermaid to get legs!"

"I did no such thing! And stop calling me 'Amaryl the Naga! _I am a fairy_!" Amaryl shouted jumping from her chair.

"Okay, Amaryl the _naga_ is _really_ Amaryl the _witch_." The voice announced with a big grin.

"That's really not true!" Amaryl yelled she was slowly becoming fed up with the voice saying all these lies about her.

"Amaryl the witch." The voice went on as if Amaryl hadn't spoken. "The reason she attends Alfea is because she got kicked out of Cloud Tower for sprouting wings during her transformation and attacking Ms Griffin."

"I didn't do _anything _like that! And I've never even been to Cloud Tower because I am a _fairy_ you half brained village idiot!"

"Amaryl the witch who is in denial of a witch and a naga, she is the witch of botchery!"

"What? Now that makes no sense at all. How can I be the _fairy_ of botchery?"

"I never said fairy, I said _witch_!" The voice shouts and the echo bounces off the walls of the room. One of the arms falls off of the chair that Amaryl is sitting in and clatters to the floor. "That's how you can be the _witch_ of botchery." The voice pointed out.

"But I didn't even do that!" Amaryl argued.

"Look, why don't you just see if you can get back into Cloud Tower where they're okay with people damaging their things."

"Whatever you say. Amaryl the witch, the reason she shot a truth sphere at Stella is because she thought Stella had the secret family recipe for Bush's baked beans!"

"Now that is just stupid." Amaryl argued. "I don't even like baked beans."

"Which is the reason you have no friends, you have a lot of gas from the baked beans you eat." The voice countered.

"I _do not_ eat baked beans and I certainly don't have gas!"

"Yeah, yeah whatever, Amaryl the gassy witch, the reason she attacks Stella all the time is because she's jealous of the fact that Stella gets more attention and has friends."

"No, actually I attack Stella because she's an obnoxious brat." Amaryl admitted.

"Sure. Amaryl, she's jealous of Stella because Stella has better attacks and better clothes than she does."

"Yeah right, at least I _wear_ clothes. And will you stop saying I'm jealous of Stella because I'm _not_."

"Yeah you have a point about that. Okay."

"Thank you."

"Amaryl the witch, she is secretly in love with Stella!" The voice shouted happily.

"I am not!" Amaryl yelled back. "I am _not_ in love with Stella and I am most certainly not a witch!"

"Just keep saying that, I'm sure someday someone will believe you."

"That's it! I'm leaving!" Amaryl shouted and with that she bolted from the chair out of the room. Then proceeded to figure out where she was and how to get back to her dorm.

"And now you know Amaryl, the naga witch who wants to be a fairy!" The voice shouts.

**_Drop it like it's fuax couture_**

**Wow! I posted two chapters in one day! I still wouldn't mind suggestions or reviews for both chapters because I'm really trying to break 200 reviews.**

**1.) ****Amaryl, for those of you who don't know is the name of that fairy with the short red blonde hair who is always picking on Stella and she yelled at the Specialists for losing the troll in The Black Mud Swamp**

**2.) ****I can't get into detail of how it happens or what it really is without changing the rating of my story, but a naga is kinda like a cross between a snake and a human. **


	21. Victim Twentyone: Head Mistress Griffin

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club **

**Giant thanks to: My loyal readers, thanks so much for waiting for an update. After nearly two years you guys deserve something.**

**Dedication: My west coast mom, my east coast mom and my friends at Winx Writer's Anonymous. Join that forum! You know you wanna!**

**Disclaimer: Sure, today is the first day of the rest of your life. But so was yesterday and look how that turned out. Better luck tomorrow.**

**Victim Twenty-one: Head Mistress Griffin**

The voice sighed as she finished cleaning up the rest of the cobwebs and dust bunnies from around the interview room. It'd been a long time since the place had been used, but hey she'd been busy. After taking out the last of the biodegradable trash bags and taking a much needed shower the voice paged through her directory of people who hadn't been annoyed and found head mistress Griffin of Cloud Tower and worked out a way to get her where she was needed more.

Meanwhile in Cloud Tower Ms Griffin had just finished getting her hair done because you know that her hair just doesn't come in that odd shape and color it has to be done professionally. Upon arriving back in her suite of rooms Ms. Griffin found a post-it note stuck to her dresser and read the contents. Seeing that it just said: 'Problem in the school's crypt' was enough to make her click her heals together three times and wind up in the new microfiber chair set up in the still top secret room.

"Know your stars! Know your stars! Know your stars Ms. Griffin from… uh…. Dammit! Why don't they give you all planets?" The voice shouted angrily.

"What is the meaning of this?" Ms Griffin demanded sounding just as angry as the voice. "What are you doing in the school's crypt?"

"Brushing up on my curling" The voice replied calmly. "But anyways, Professor Griffin she's in a three way relationship with Valtor and Cordatorta."

"That's not true!" Ms. Griffin exclaimed angrily her face turning from green to red.

"Tsk denial isn't just a river on Earth. Ms Griffin, she used to date Valtor when they were planning on taking over the world, but then she found out he got all his evil plans from Pinky and the Brain (1) and realized she'd be better off going solo on the evil plots."

"You know I always wondered why he… I mean that's just crazy! I was never in love with Valtor!"

"No you're also in love with Cordatorta, but you won't go out with him until he does something about those bags under his eyes."

"I've offered him some magic foundation too." Ms Griffin muttered to herself before realizing what she was saying. "This whole thing is absurd! I've never had a romantic interest in either of those guys."

"Sure sure lady." The voice chuckled. "Ms Griffin, who is in denial over her three way relationship her childhood dream was to be Maleficent from Disney's Sleeping Beauty and that's why her face is always green!"

"That's another lie!"

"No it's not!" The voice shot back.

"Yes it is."

The voice shrugged- just picture it okay? "Fine, Elphaba from Wicked then. Sheesh testy! Ms Griffin, who enjoys cos playing as Elphaba and is in love with two men, she stole her shoes from one of Santa's elves"

"No I didn't! I don't steal!"

"Don't worry, I wouldn't admit to stealing shoes that ugly either." The voice says sympathetically.

"Then why did you say it?" Ms Griffin demanded.

"Just because I can." The voice giggled. "Ms Griffin, the Elphaba Cos player with the ugly footwear, she hates Canadians."

"Now that is _definitely _not true!" Ms Griffin snaps, she's getting more fed up by the minute.

"It isn't?"

"No, I don't even know what a Canadian is."

"Fair enough. But are there any in your school?" The voice asks.

"Not to my knowledge."

"Humph, you had the descendants of the ancestress witches in your school, and you didn't know it. So how would you know if there were _Canadians_ in your school?" The voice taunts.

"I've never even heard of that realm. I don't believe it even exists. Come to think of it, I don't believe Santa exists either."

"Ms Griffin who is a two faced player, she doesn't believe in Canada or Santa!" The voice shouts. Suddenly about fifty or so children ranging in age from three to six storm through the doors of the crypt and swarm the chair where the Headmistress of Cloud Tower is seated pummeling her with their sticky fingers.

"Hey, what are these children doing here?" Ms Griffin demands angrily as she's accosted by the toddlers.

"Well, they're either some of your illegitimate off spring from Valtor and Cordatorta, or they heard you don't believe in Santa."

"How can you not believe in Santa you meanie?!" Demands a pigtailed girl as she hits Griffin over the head with her stuffed doll.

"Ah, there's your answer." The voice replies with a smirk.

"Get them away from me! I hate kids! I didn't even like myself as a kid!" Ms Griffin shouts.

"And now you know Head mistress Griffin who doesn't believe in Canada and has ugly shoes!." The voice shouts over the madness that fifty children can make.

"No you don't!" Ms Griffin shouts back "Ow! Hey!"

**_Note to self: Childproof the Crypt of Cloud Tower_**

**Well the update that was almost two years in the making only took about forty minutes. I'm sorry for the lack of funny. More funny will be added soon when I go back to being a hospice aide. Thank you for your patience. Please share your ideas for whom to bother next.**

**1.) ****A duo of lab rats from show called Animaniacs back in the mid to late 90's. They were always trying to take over the world.**


	22. Twentysecond Victim: Cordatorta

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club **

**Giant thanks to: My loyal readers, thanks so much for waiting for an update. After nearly two years you guys deserve something. And whoever invented the DVR so I can sleep in on Saturdays and still watch Winx Club. Now if only season 4 would air here.**

**Dedication: My friends at Winx Writer's Anonymous. Join that forum! You know you wanna!**

**Disclaimer: You shall learn humility, and humiliation shall be your teacher!**

**Victim Twenty-Two: Professor Cordatorta**

Despite the fact that the Crypt in Cloud Tower wasn't childproofed and now her new chair had a large lollipop stuck to the back of it the voice decided she wasn't ready to pack up shop yet. So she pulled out her handy dandy Magix phone Directory which had been stolen from a payphone in downtown Magix and found another poor unfortunate soul.

Meanwhile over at Red Fountain Professor Cordatorta was investigating some strange sounds in the stables where the dragons were kept and was sucked into a portal causing him to free fall until he hit a suspiciously soft and sticky object. While checking himself for any cuts or broken bones bright overhead lights clicked on over him and a loud voice boomed from the ceiling.

"Know your stars! Know your stars! Know your stars! Professor Cordatorta from the stables of Red Fountain!" The voice shouted happily, she'd given up on complaining about lacking planets for the time being.

"What is this?" Professor Cordatorta demanded angrily as he tried to get out of the chair, but was stopped by a wad of gum. "Where am I?"

The voice of course ignored Cordatorta's angry questions and went on with her work. "Professor Cordatorta from the stables of Red Fountain, he is secretly in love with headmistress Griffin!"

Cordatorta blushed bright red and scowled. "That's not true!"

"Uh, yeah it is," The voice counters, "I have this here diary to prove it."

A diary drops into Cordatorta's lap and opens to a very passionate description of a scene involving him and Griffin. "That's not even my handwriting!" he shouts after reading the page over about six times. "Where did you get this?"

"Under your bed of course." The voice replies nonchalantly. "You know you really need to find a less obvious hiding spot."

Cordatorta is sputtering too much to say anything. The voice figures he's thinking of a new hiding place for his diary.

"Professor Cordatorta who keeps a really creepy diary about him and Ms Griffin, he originally wanted to be a prima ballerina, but he thought his butt looked too big in the tutu so he settled on being a wanna be drill sergeant."

"If I ever find out who you are, you're going to be doing laps til you're fifty!" Cordatorta shouts in a threatening voice.

"Please, my high school gym teachers couldn't make me do laps, how could a ballet school drop-out do it?"

"Ballet school drop-out?" Cordatorta sputters.

"Yep, you got that right! Cordatorta the ballet dancer drop-out, he tries to act all tough and macho, but he wears women's panties." The voice announces happily.

"Well of course, they're very comfy so who wouldn't want to wear them?" Cordatorta asks in a confused tone of voice. "And they come in a lot of cute patterns."

The voice is creeped out for a few minutes but quickly regains her composure. "Oookay you know what? You can keep those last two sentences to yourself."

Cordatorta shrugs.

The voice shrugs too. "Anyways, Cordatorta the seriously disturbed ballet dancer drop-out, he's _way_ too into his dragons at Red Fountain."

"What do you mean by that? I just care for them, that's all."

"Cordatorta, he transfers all his love of Ms Griffin to the dragons because he knows he can never be her woman." The voice declares.

"Now _that_ is just twisted and wrong." Cordatorta retorted. "I'm a man not a woman."

"A man who wears women's underwear… I'd say that's basically like being a woman."

"I don't have time for this, I have classes to teach."

" That's a likely excuse. If you don't have time, then why did you come here?" The voice asks. "Unless it was to write more in your journal about your dragons and Griffin loving."

"That's it! I'm getting out of here before you say something really off the wall." Cordatorta shouts as he heaves himself out of the chair with a bit of effort and rushes out the door."

The voice just shrugs "And now you know Cordatorta the ballet school drop-out who wears women's underpants!" She calls after the retreating teacher.

"And if I ever find out who you are, I'm gonna make you do laps til your legs fall off!"

**_Say something crazy like I'm wearing ladies underwear!_**

**Okay I still haven't gotten my funny back, but I'm trying. And now I've updated three stories this week! I am on a roll!**


	23. Victim 23: Duman the Shape shifter

**Know Your Stars: Winx Club **

**Giant thanks to: My loyal readers, thanks so much for waiting for an update. **

**Dedication: Nickelodeon who now has the rights to Winx Club. Now the next question, when in the Hells will they start airing it. God I hope it means less Spongebob!**

**Disclaimer: I'll get nicer when you get smarter**

**Victim Twenty-Three: Duman the Shape shifter**

The voice had decided to go back to annoying the villains of the show and knew she'd found the perfect victim when she saw a grown man wearing a Mohawk and a floor length skirt. Not wasting a moment she hatched a plan complete with directions on how to find the White Circle and soon captured Duman in the sticky microfiber chair.

"Know your stars! Know your stars! Know your stars! Duman from the Black Circle!" The voice shouted from the safety of her hidden booth. "He is Mystique's illegitimate child." (1)

Duman's face began to match the color of his hair. "That's not true!" He shouted. "I don't even know who my mother is!"

"Then how do you know that it's not Mystique?"

"Do I look like I have blue skin and freaky yellow eyes to you?" Duman asked.

"Well… no, but you are a shape shifter so how do I know this is your real form?" The voice countered in a smug voice.

"Good point."

The voice grinned. "I know, Duman who doesn't know that Mystique is his mommy, he is Riven's daddy!"

"Now that is just messed up. Do I look old enough to have a kid who's about to graduate from university?" Duman protested.

"Again, Shape shifter. Do I have to keep pointing that out?"

"But I am _not_ Riven's dad!"

"I can pull up a forged birth certificate if you like." The voice offered sweetly.

"No thanks."

"Duman, who doesn't like confirming paternity no matter which end he's on." The voice pauses to take a breath. "He's not just Riven's daddy, he is Riven's cross dressing daddy!"

"I am not cross dressing!"

"Dude, you're wearing an ankle length skirt and a lot of makeup, what the hells do you call it?" The voice counters. "So Duman who is Riven's cross dressing daddy…"

"And I already told you I am _not_ Riven's daddy!" Duman interrupted angrily. He was starting to wonder why he didn't just transform and fly away, but then realized he couldn't. There was some kind of force field on the room.

"Hey! Why can't I leave here?" he demanded angrily.

"Oh that?" The voiced asked casually. "It's magical force field, I picked it up at Home Depot. I can't really have you all escaping while I'm tormenting you all now can I?"

Duman shrugged, he had nothing to say to that comment.

"Oh and Duman, I messed up you're not Riven's cross dressing daddy."

"Thank you."

"You're Riven's cross dressing evil twin!" The voice crows as Riven comes charging in the room.

"You! You brought me back here again!" Riven shouts pointing a finger at the ceiling. "And he is _NOT_ my brother!"

"_I am not_ Riven's brother! I'm no body's brother!" Duman yells over Riven's shouting.

The voice pretends to be choked up. "This is so sad! Two brothers separated at birth who are denying being related to each other! I could call Oprah, but she's retiring and I hate Dr Phil. Ah well."

"We're _not_ brothers!" Riven and Duman shout in unison.

The voice ignores them both as she does with all her guests. This is probably why hardly anyone comes back for a second interview. "I think I'm gonna cry, this is so sad! And to think you tried to kill each other too."

"Hey, I had my reasons." Riven defended.

"Besides it was just a dumb show." Duman added, then he looked at Riven. "Hey you wanna get a beer or something?"

Riven shrugged, "Anything's better than here. Just don't try to kill me, okay?"

"Hey, technically I'm already dead."

"Good point."

Duman and Riven walked off leaving the voice to sob to herself. "And now you know Duman, Riven's cross dressing evil twin. I think I need a tissue."

**Well I can't drink, I needed someone to drink. I promise to try and do Saladin next. **

**1.) ****You knew that was coming ever since he started turning into a bird and a wolf. For those who don't know, Mystique is a villain from X-men and her mutant power is to change into anyone or anything.**


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